There was a time when I was so worried about what people thought that it stopped me from being myself.

My confidence was affected because I was constantly worrying about what people might think of me, what I looked like, or about making mistakes.

I would show up as a version of myself that wasn’t really me and, if I’m honest, it often felt quite awkward.

I was so busy in my head that I couldn’t fully be present with people in social situations, intimate connections or at work.

Then I realised something that changed things for me.

It was my thoughts and beliefs creating all of these stories.

Once I started becoming aware of my thoughts and who I had been identifying as, I could start challenging them.

That awareness gave me the confidence to keep putting myself outside my comfort zone.

But this time, instead of just throwing myself into things, constantly overstretching, surviving and repeating the same patterns, I did it differently.

I stayed aware of what was coming up for me.

Someone once told me “just notice” and that’s what I did.

When doubts appeared, when I was triggered, when I felt self conscious, I noticed it without judging myself and later I challenged it, curious about the belief or fear behind it.

Practices that helped me build awareness

Over time, a few things really helped me.

Meditation and mindfulness really helped me start noticing my thoughts and emotions more quickly.

With practice, it began to feel like I had more control over my thoughts. I did not get so attached to them. Instead, I could notice them and bring myself back to the present moment before they really took hold.

Through this, I started to see that thoughts are not necessarily real. But what we think can become true for us, because our thoughts influence how we see ourselves and the world around us.

I remember doing an exercise on a retreat once where I sat for ten uncomfortable minutes while a partner asked me the same question over and over again.

“Who are you?”

It was surprisingly uncomfortable. I kept searching for the right answer, feeling like there must be something I was supposed to say but mostly it came out as something like "um well I'm a Mother.....but I know thats not who I am!"  

Later I realised there is not actually a correct answer to that question. A friend once said to me that the answer could simply be “whoever you think you are.”

So while our thoughts are not always true, they do matter. They influence how we see ourselves and the way we show up in the world.

Dancing also became an unexpected part of the process.

For a long time I would only really dance if I had been drinking. Alcohol helped switch off the part of my brain that worried about how I looked or what people might think.

But over time I started dancing without alcohol. At first it felt strange and I was very aware of myself, often comparing how I moved to other people around me.

But by practising bringing my attention back to the music and the movement in my body, almost like a dancing meditation, something started to change.

Instead of being stuck in my head, I could bring myself back into the moment and into the experience. 

What confidence feels like for me now

Over time, things started to change.

Now my life looks and feels very different.

I can walk into a room full of people I don’t know and feel confident, grounded and calm in my mind and throughout my body.

My body used to react really strongly in those situations.

I can dance without alcohol and actually tune in to my body, without being so in my head about what I look like to other people or feeling like I need to be a certain type of drunk before I can let go.

I am more honest in my relationship now and communicate how I am feeling instead of falling into my old pattern of keeping the peace, or going in a huff, just to avoid potential conflict.

And after 25 years in the Navy, I started my own business.

Something I do not think I would have had the confidence or belief in myself to do 10 years ago.

The biggest shift

Now I have this deep sense that things will work out.

Not because I am faking positivity, but because I trust myself. I know the only thing really getting in my way is myself and I know how to deal with that now.

When I feel resistance or doubt, I get curious about it.

Is it a belief that I am not good enough?
A fear of failing?
A fear of what people might think or how they might judge me?

And I challenge it.

Because once you start noticing and questioning the beliefs that hold you back, and begin to believe things are possible, it can feel like you can do anything.

And that is where the change happens.

If you recognise yourself in this: 

Many of the people I work with recognise themselves in this story.

They are often capable and successful in many areas of life, but internally they struggle with self doubt, overthinking or worrying about what other people think.

Through coaching, hypnotherapy and mindfulness, I help people become aware of the beliefs and patterns that are holding them back so they can feel calmer, clearer and more confident being themselves.

Not the “fake it till you make it” kind of confidence. The kind where your body actually agrees with your mind and you feel calm, grounded and safe.

Book a Free Consultation

If this resonates with you, you are welcome to get in touch and book a free 30 min consultation. This is an informal conversation to explore how I might be able to help and whether coaching or hypnotherapy, or a combination of both, might help. No pressure and no obligation.